Thank You Note Know-How

Etiquette requires you to send a thank-you note in the following situations:

• Wedding gifts
• Bridal shower
• Graduation gifts
• Baby shower gifts
• Holiday, birthday, Bar/Bat mitzvah
• Housewarming gifts
• Sympathy letters, flowers, mass cards, or donations made in the deceased’s name

Thank-you notes are not necessarily required but are a nice gesture in the following situations:

• When a host has treated you to a cocktail party, dinner, or concert
• After a job interview
• Anytime you feel particularly indebted to someone

Components of the Thank-You Note


1. Address the giver.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Henderson, or Dear Mary,


It may seem obvious, but addressing the giver directly rather than simply starting your letter gives your note a more personal touch.

2. Express your gratitude.


Thank you so much for the silver picture frame.


Be sure to be specific when you mention the gift. Instead of just saying “Thank you for the glasses." try “Thank you for the beautiful crystal champagne flutes." It will make your note feel more personal and less generic.


If the gift was money, never directly mention “cash” in the note. Instead, thank the giver for his generosity.

3. Discuss how you plan to use the gift or how much the gesture means to you.


We’ve put a picture of the family on our last vacation inside it and placed it on our mantel. It looks great!


Mention how you intend to use the gift and compliment it in some way. If the gift was money, allude to how you intend to use the money by saying something like, “It will be a great help to us when we purchase . . .”

It is sometimes more helpful to describe how meaningful the gesture is to you, such as "John and I know you spent countless hours assembling this photo album, and we will always treasure it."

4. Mention your relationship to the giver.


It was great seeing you at the house warming party, and we hope to see you again this spring at the reunion.

5. Reiterate your gratitude.

Thank you again for your kind gift.

6. Regards.


Sincerely,


Guy and Girl Gracious

A thank-you note is exclusively about expressing your gratitude, so don’t worry if your note seems short and simple. The only hard and fast rule is that it be sincere -- even if you do not care for the gift, you can express gratitude for the gesture.

Ticket to Success!

 

I was delightfully surprised when a 5th grade boy knew the origin of the word "etiquette."  Do you?*

Yesterday, 40 students from Northland Christian School arrived at Campioni's for a manners luncheon.  A former client of mine set up the event...to prepare them for next year. 

At the end of our session I asked what they learned.  A few replies:

1. Where the silverware is placed
2. That the napkin goes on their chair when they excuse themselves from the table
3. They enter the table by going in on the right side of their chair
4. Salt & pepper are passed together
5. Butter one piece of bread at a time

I can't tell you how appreciative I am when I catch the eye of a young peron...and they're listening.  In this crowd, all the students got  it.  They are well on their way to feeling confident and comfortable in any social situation.

* (The word ‘etiquette’ used to mean "keep off the grass". Louis XIV’s gardener noticed that the aristocrats were walking through his gardens and put up signs, or étiquets, to ward them off. The dukes and duchesses walked right past these signs. Due to this blatant disregard, the King of Versailles decreed that no individual was to go beyond the bounds of the étiquets. The meaning of etiquette would later include the ticket to court functions that listed the instructions on where a person would stand and what was to be done. Etiquette, like language, has evolved, but it still means literally "keep off the grass". Until the 1960’s, the importance of good manners were taught without question, but with the liberated 70’s came a decline in the popularity of teaching proper etiquette. Proper etiquette and protocol has given children and adults alike a vital tool that not only provides a competitive edge, but a sense of confidence.)

Quiet Confidence

There are some people that command a room - in an obnoxious way.  Too loud, too in your face.  Have to be the center of attention.  Others walk into the room and have presence. I call this quiet confidence and think it should be a goal of our young people.

Beth Moore talks about walking in security.  "When you act secure, you become secure."  I tell students in my workshops "fake it until you make it."  (same as Beth Moore, right?)

 I really believe that role-playing helps a child feel prepared:  whether it's the first day of first grade, the 8th grade dance, day 1 of freshman year.  Their first interview. 

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming."

 - Goethe

Clueless About Cleavage!

And so since we're trying to make that (favorable) impression, may I suggest we think - really, think - about what we wear.  Clothes do NOT make a man or woman; but our attire is part of the overall package.

And now on to a pet peeve of mine:  EXCESS CLEAVAGE.  I promise I am not jealous.  I just think it is so inappropriate.  Women exposing themselves...

...especially at church, luncheons, meetings, day time events.  Call me (prudish) conservative - it's just not right.  Every woman likes to feel feminine yet there is a time and a place for that little black dress. 

Clothes are symbolic. They make a statement about your attitudes, status, and self-image, even if it’s not your intent. You have the right to dress any way you like. But if you defy social standards, as is your privilege, people will make judgments accordingly, as is their privilege. It’s up to you to determine whether what you wear will hurt you or help you.

(HOW RUDE! Copyright © 1997 by Alex J. Packer. Free Spirit Publishing Inc.)

I've used this quote in many a class with young students.  I do believe it's the adults that are often clueless. 

TIP:  before you leave, take a last look in the mirror.  IF you say to yourself:  "Self....this may be inappropriate."  That's your gut telling you to change clothes. 

The First 15!

That's all we've got - 15 seconds...to make a GOOD or POOR first impression!  Sure we can make amends; prove ourselves worthy after time; but I tell clients the first 15 are all-important.  Let's role-play!  You're about to enter a room filled with strangers.  Here's a helpful check-list.

The List:

1. Command the room - with excellent posture.
2. Name tag is placed on your right shoulder area.
3. Be the first to extend your hand for a FIRM (web-to-web)handshake.
4. Greet your host before attacking the buffet.
5. Make eye contact.  Tip:  look at the person long enough to note their eye color. 
6. Smile.  Tip:  Smiling is our best beauty tool.  And it's free!
7. If you say their name 3 times in that first conversation; you're more apt to remember it.
8. Ask questions.
9. Ask (appropriate) questions - those you'd be happy to answer!
10. Do not barge in on a conversation of two people.
11. A group of three or more is fine to sidle up to.
12. ...and be inclusive to someone standing on the outskirts of your group.
13. Carry your beverage in your left hand so your RIGHT is free to shake.
14. No matter YOUR age, respect your elders:  let them in at the front of the line, allow them the better seat; hold the door open.
15. Be considerate in your conversation - God DID give us two ears and only one mouth...

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